Sunday, April 12, 2015

What Saved Me When I Became a Single Mom.....Again.

I became a single mom, twice.  And something so simple, saved me.





Let me give you a quick background, in case you don't know my story.  I was married for 10 years, to the only man I had ever loved up to that point.  I completed nursing school our first two years of marriage and another year 2 years after I graduated we had our first little girl Kennedy.  She had a very fixable birth defect where her intestines were outside of her abdomen. But that's a story for another blog post.  She did great and is now a happy, healthy beautiful almost 10 year old.






 Taylor Rae came 5 years later after some marriage struggles and fertility struggles.  She was such a blessing and we were so grateful to welcome her into our lives and give Kennedy the sister she had been longing for. 







My next pregnancy was a bit of a surprise especially since I had a difficult time getting pregnant in the past and had been through several miscarriages.  We were excited to find out it was a boy!  

Two weeks before I delivered Gage, I found out information that would ultimately lead to the end of my marriage.  There is no doubt in my mind that my sweet boy was sent to me directly from heaven at the exact time I needed him in my life.



As difficult as it was to be a single mom almost instantly after delivering my 3rd baby, he comforted me and healed my broken heart every single day.  And he still does.








That first year I was in survival mode.  I had a brand new baby, a 2 year old and a busy 7 year old.  I had gone back to work part time as a nurse, where before I was just working once a week.  Almost exactly a year after my divorce I decided to sell my house and find something more manageable for busy a single mom.  I also got engaged.  It was a very crazy time to say the least.  









A short four months later, that second marriage fell apart.  We went our separate ways, chalking it up to a big mistake and wished each other well.  

So once again I became a single mom.  Even in those 4 months, I got used to having a partner. The first few months I was in survival mode again, moved again, but this time decided I was done just surviving.  

Now let me explain something real quick.  The thing about being a single mom, is it's definitely not ALL bad!  There are wonderful beautiful things about it I cherish and love.  My time with my kids is 100% mine.  We can do whatever we want without the opinions of anyone else.  And while it's hard managing them all alone, we still manage and we have tons of fun!  Yes, it would for sure be easier with two adults, but we adapt and that alone shows my kids that we can make the best of any situation, even when it is not ideal.

But let me tell you what, it is still exhausting.  Being a parent single or not is simply exhausting at times. But at the end of the day, when kids are in bed, that's where being single for me became the hardest.  And while the quiet break is much needed and relished in, it's too quiet at times.  One single friend of mine quite dramatically but appropriately called those times alone, whether at night or while kids are away with the other parent, the '"silent chambers."  And while I may have teased him about the dramatics of that statement, it was often times how I felt.  No one to talk about the cute things the kids did that day, to commiserate in the toddler tantrums that were only survived by an act of God.  

It was lonely. I had friends and family that were wonderful, but when your used to the companionship of a spouse, it's just different.  The times when kids were away with their dad and evenings when they were in bed and I felt like I was on house arrest, were times that in the beginning were extremely difficult.  Those were the times when self destructive and negative thoughts would creep in.  I would relive recent events, hold on to anger and resentment, and spiral down into the viscous "why me" cycle. 

That's when I decided to take control, and use what I had to make the best of my situation.  I had been depressed that I couldn't run in the early mornings with my friends like I used to when I was married.  I accepted that there would be a time in my life when I could again do that but this was not the season in my life for that.  I began working out at home and being involved in Beachbody challenge groups with my cousin and coach Brigitte Linford.  

I decided to jump into coaching, hoping if nothing else it would give me the accountability to stay consistent with working out and eating well myself.  I had no idea the mental transformation that would take place would be the most valuable.  

Having a community of other challengers and coaching all supporting and cheering each other on to reach their goals, not only health and fitness, but lifestyle and business goals as well gave me strength I didn't even know I needed as badly as I did.






I began running my own challenge groups.  Having a sense of purpose, helping others to see what they are truly capable of is truly one of the most rewarding things I have been involved in.  There had been so many things in my life that have helped me to feel empowered to accomplish the things I have needed to. Helping others find their fire, feel empowered, and gain confidence in what we are all truly capable of gave me such purpose and helped me to feel like my life had more value.  

Now don't get me wrong, the work we do as mothers is incredibly valuable and rewarding.  Also the work I do as a nurse can be rewarding as well.  But the problem with these are they are service oriented.  We are constantly giving, serving, and we often times forget to fill our own cup before we empty it again into the cups of our children, patients, or whoever.  

Personal Development is a HUGE piece of the puzzle when it comes to helping others reach their goals.  People do what you do, more than they will do what you say.  Improving myself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually DAILY has helped me to become a better mom, a better friend, a better sister, a better nurse a better co-worker a better Beachbody Coach and an all over better person.  




We HAVE to take time to focus on ourselves and do things to feed and fuel our minds and bodies daily.  Things that will give us the confidence to do the hard things we are faced with daily. Things that will give me perspective on a bigger picture.  That kids will grow up, hard times don't last forever, tomorrow is a new day to start fresh, the person that offended you or is driving you crazy is just doing the best they know how.  

So what was it that SAVED me as a single mom?  I filled my cup daily, with a podcasts, audiobooks, books, articles or videos that would motivate me, teach me something new, and give me self confidence. I would also fill my cup with a workout, not only for the physical benefits but to give me a clear mind and a positive attitude.  THEN I would share how I was filling my cup with others.  That's it. Something so simple, taking care of myself first so I could better attend to others.  Filling my cup daily, and then supporting others.  Others in turn support me and the COMMUNITY that is built is something pretty amazing.  

Filling my cup is a small part of my day, but it helps my entire day go more smoothly.  I hope that my kids can see that taking care of ourselves is such a huge part of being able to take care of others.  Reaching our potential is something we should always be striving for.




I am grateful for the place my life has brought me to.  The twists and turns have been rough to say the least.  It's nothing like I imagined my life to be, but is it really ever? My struggles are becoming my strengths and I'm so grateful I was able to see the opportunity in front of me to improve myself.  

This "silly" little hobby called Beachbody has truly been a catalyst in me finding my true self.  I am a work in progress.  I feel like I will always be.  But I know more about myself and where I want to be, than I did a year ago.  I'm improving each day and can see more clearly than ever what I want my life to look like.




Please reach out to me if you are at all interested on more details of my challenge groups or coaching.  I love this process and fell in love with the community, and I think you will too.